• FindSummerWells

From A Friend About Grief

This is from a friend. " ... also, I have noticed that most of the online podcasts do not take into constant consideration of what grief does to a person. Because of that, some respond in anger at your varying struggles of emotions and words. Some simply don't have a clue. Some are so focused on finding out the answers that they completely forget grief stages. Some are just devious con artists of wolves in sheep clothing.

Most say they are - just helping find Summer - but deep down have already made a decision/judgment and thus they can't resist to probe and probe, asking questions that are basically being nosey or gossip or online info peeping toms and that only the TBI should be handling. Of course, Summer has boosted their subscribers and money and fame so that taints things even more. I'm trying to be careful with my words. Some are the cruelest I've seen online in how they have no moral concept of what they are doing to your marriage, your own mind battles, your friends, your heart, your emotions, your children. Many simply have no conception that for you to suddenly have to talk directly to Summer herself on their podcast is like a dagger in the heart, head and belly. It is nearly impossible to step into that 'reality', especially publically and not total unravel by emotions or panic attacks or as some people react, nervously throw up. It's so much easier to stay busy with other thoughts than to face the loss of Summer and the Children especially online to the public. They are cruel to push you. I am so sorry they do not understand these things. Hopefully they will never have to experience it. The stack of situations you all are carrying would crush most people. The grief added by the online media onslaught is beyond grasp. Humor : There comes a time in grief when humor is the only survival choice. Laughter is a dopamine fix that often occurs just to survive. Pranks just come with it when a human needs to shake everyone off and is natural response in grief. I even heard some people accusing you all about the pranks, then turn right around and say and do the exact same thing on their own podcasts in order to balance their own emotions. Using humor in stress and especially in grief is normal. That is normal. Grief has no timing.. It bursts out when it wants to. And many times how it wants to. Just know with the pressure you are under, there are many people who are sensitive (many times by their own experiences) to the reality of grief, the loss of a child, police situations stress, separation from children.. and are in the deepest of compassion and prayer.. and overwhelmed with their own tears that you all are experience the whole package..Then add to that the 'helpers' online who in their versions of sincerity continue to push you all as if they work for the TBI or gestapo.

In reality, they are not skilled at handling what they hear, see, think and then they implode and explode if they think they have not been treated like a best friend or spouse or TBI themselves. I won't down their sincerity, but they do not have the experience nor skills to handle other humans. This is shown when they get bit - and they quickly turn back into various forms of vengeance. There is an old expression - You can rub a cat all day and it will purr, but watch out if you rub the fur the wrong way once.

I hope this event of agony is teaching the podcasters great lessons that will help their podcasts in the future. Tampering with other humans is very risky. Blasting another person's private life after squeezing it out, is total irresponsible, cruel, and they will be accountable for anyone in your family or your boys that are damaged by their public blabbing and devious questions to build a case on gossip. The case is 'draining' to them because they are miles out of their responsibility and ability and callings and training. As the TBI and Hawkins County has said to us all.. in my words.. they are folly.

They say and think in their own minds that they are helping one person, Summer, but they are creating an onslaught of marriage issues, family issues, friendship issues, personal issues.. And as one podcaster man said, "polluting the jury pool" if one is needed. Remember, famous entertainers many times die because the public demanded them to entertain them beyond their abilities to handle it. Anything online is the entertainment industry. You all are their entertainment. And you handle it phenomenally in your deep deep season of grieving. But most of them are blind to that.

They mostly have no grasp of what grief is doing to each of you. Anything they share does zero for the case and search. The TBI is miles past them in skill, experience and capabilities. The podcast dirty laundry addicts exalt themselves so high with only partial information. The rest is their imaginations. When you don't know what the TBI knows, when you don't work at the TBI, then your analysis is nothing much more than kindergarten coloring books. I'm a man and can't even start to know what a Mother is going through with such losses. I'm so sorry Don and Candace. I really hope these TBI, FBI, Investigator wannabees will hit their pause button, go sit in the corner and began to really think of all the people they are harming from children to elderly, and not hide behind the other people, which of course to them are all telling the exact truth. Amazing how to them everyone tells the truth except Don and Candace. That exposes they are rookies to the TBI. Rumor factories. Judges with no degrees. Gossips who hide behind compassion. As I said before, I hope they never experience your multi layered grief. I better stop.

... Here are the links on grief. It is very real. This is normal. This is real. And you understand more than any of us. This one line really stood out to me. It uses the word 'death' but it matches 'child missing' : "The death of a child is devastating and often referred to as the worst experience a parent can endure. A child’s death causes a profound family crisis. It shatters core beliefs and assumptions about the world and the expectations about how life should unfold. The overwhelming suffering and intense emotions that flood the days, weeks, months, and years following the loss is called grief." https://www.compassionatefriends.org/grief/ Five Stages of Grief https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ ..."


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